Cynical Business Poet

I heard John Cooper Clarke, the punk poet, on Desert Island Discs the other day, I found it really inspiring. So much so that I'm adapting much of the copy from my A-Z of Cynicism in the Workplace into some cynical poetry. Here's the first one.

The alpha-male

The alpha-male

Will never fail

To drive you fucking insane

His ski-ing prowess

Will create much stress

With endless tales of Gastein.

He's sold more than you

And clients love him too

He'll lead you to understand

His bonus is massive

And his Rolex is magic

Wiping his arse with its minute hand.

He causes office division

Whilst oozing narcissism

With slicked-back hair

And a leather office chair

From which he can wipe his jizm.

His car's a Maserati

And his bit-on-the-side is nasty

With a mouth only made for slagging

She'll insult your suits from her Gucci boots

Not knowing who else Alpha is shagging.

I'll stay in my baggy suit for now

Waiting for my chance to wow

Like the alpha-male does

With his designer fuzz

And a wife he refers to as 'Cow'.

D Eckhoff