UKIP warns of 'sharia cakes'

"There could be millions of them in there."

UKIP's cake spokesman, George Kipling, claimed today that Great British Bake Off winner, Nadiya Hussain, is part of an Islamic plot to change UK culture irreversibly from one of afternoon teas and idyllic murders in 1930s country houses to towering Islamic wedding cakes with room inside for hundreds of "illegals."

"You mark my words," said UKIP's Mr Kipling. "There'll be tears at prayer time with literally millions of illegal immigrants, fresh from Muslimstan, popping out of mosque-shaped cakes that Labour councils' sharia byelaws will make us all have, or we'll be stoned to death outside Sainsbury's for not being 'politically correct'."

Defending its cake spokesman, UKIP said that his comments about the "Gay brown unqualified anaesthetist bloke's funny ideas about men getting married to each other causing the thunder, lightning and rain," during the Bake Off final would be fully investigated. along with the further comment about him "Only becoming an anaesthetist so he could look at men's private parts while they were asleep."

However, we now understand that after Mr Kipling apologised, UKIP dropped the investigation. "I understand that Muslim bakers won't make cakes for gay weddings, these boys can't be that bad," he said. "We can do business with them."